So… If you haven’t figured this out, I write these blogs when white people say or do things that are incredibly stupid, ignorant, offensive or hurtful. And the sad truth is, the well of white people attacking me for speaking about racism never seems to run dry. This time, a white person slid into my DM’s and said “How can you say all white people are racist? I’m not racist.”
I asked him one question… Have you read a book about critical race theory?
[Silence]
Of course, he had not. He hadn’t even watched a five minute video on white privilege and the good-bad-binary outdated model of how white people refuse to look at and acknowledge racism.
I then asked him, “Have you at least read all of my blogs to get the full context of what I’m saying?”
[Silence].
I actually used to consider this person a friend. He’s not a hard core racist at all. But let’s be clear. YOU CAN HAVE RACIAL BLIND SPOTS AND NOT BE A HARD CORE RACIST. But again, usually, when white men attack me, they have never done any research on critical race theory. They haven’t read my blogs. They see a story with a headline, refuse to read the full article and just come at me with stupid, uninformed opinions.
And yes, I said it -it's stupid behavior. A lot of white people’s assumptions on race and racism are woefully uninformed and border on moronic. Why? Because white people value their ignorance more than the Black person’s lived experience.
If you’ve never bothered to educate yourself on an issue, but you somehow think you know more than someone who’s lived with an issue for their entire life, you’re not interested in making a less racist society. You’re not interested in supporting victims of racism. You’re just trying to alleviate your white guilt by attacking a Black person. You’re not committed to supporting them if they’ve been injured – physically or emotionally, you just want them to shut up so you don’t have to feel guilty.
Well, if you can’t be bothered to do a basic amount of research, SHUT THE FUCK UP! This is the equivalent of you choosing to believe that the earth is flat. No, seriously…. If you walked up to a geologist or a biologist, someone who’s spent most of their adult life examining a topic and said, “Yeah, I don’t see that the earth is round. I choose not to look at the evidence, and you saying the earth is round makes me feel uncomfortable.” Like, it’s that level of stupidity. And I’m letting you know, I am powerfully choosing NOT to engage with you. If you can’t do two or three hours of research and then disagree with me, I am under no obligation to value your willful and negligent ignorance.
Which leads me to point#1 on this list…
1) You are More Angry at a Black Person Decrying Racism than You Are About Racism in Society! And Your LACK OF KNOWLEDGE PROVES THIS POINT!
Many white people - but not all – find it very comforting to dismiss Black people as “angry” or “crazy.” And if they can do that, then they don’t have to feel guilty about systemic racism and how they benefit from it and how they might contribute to it, knowingly or unknowingly. They also don’t have to examine their own behavior to see if there are racial disparities.
And to clarify, non-racist people can have racial blind spots. I’ve been very clear about that. But if you refuse to learn anything, and if you attack a Black person – especially someone who’s worked as an author, journalist, playwright, lawyer, political consultant – and someone who trained to be a life coach at one point, you’re no different than a Flat-Earther attacking a geologist. I got an A in Race Relations Law at Harvard, and I know how people behave in order to avoid dealing with uncomfortable subjects where they feel guilty – or they are looking for an easy excuse not to examine their own behavior. And I’ve been Black my whole life. I know what the fuck I’m talking about. But when you attack me and you can’t be bothered to do any research beforehand, YOU’RE THE ONE WHO LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT – NOT ME!
Another Way to Say this is -->
1A) You Attack Black People Who Bring Up Racism BEFORE You have Done Any Research!
So if you enjoy attacking Black people who bring up racism and you can’t be bothered to do any research on racism, you might have a racial blind spot, and this might – emphasis on might – be covering up a layer of implicit bias and prejudice on your part. I didn’t say you were a Neo-Nazi. I didn’t say you’re a totally bad human being. I am asserting that you probably value your own racial comfort more than you do ending racism. And this is classic white fragility. Please watch this video:
2) When Black People Bring Up Perceived Racist Acts on Your Part, You Block or Ignore Them
As I’ve said, white people love to NOT examine their implicit biases. They love to NOT tackle their own racial prejudices. And often, they prefer to attack the messenger for speaking out. But another way that white people show that they are more interested in their own racial comfort than is to just run away. Again, this is also a lazy way to help white people feel less guilty. But this happens online a lot.
If I ever people of color ask you questions that make you feel uncomfortable or tell you that your behavior made them feel devalued, if your go to response is to just block them, then that’s another way you can avoid feeling guilty. It’s extremely slimy and dehumanizing though.
The obvious example is when white guys message you on Grindr, and they are trying to fetishize me over my genitalia. This one is easy for a lot of people to get, so I’ll stick with this, but there are other things too. But the odd thing is when white people do this, they do seem to have the mentality that they are somehow doing me a favor by letting them objectify me. But I’ve already dealt with that mentality in my Tap Dance Blog:
http://www.grindrsurvivr.net/2021/08/dance-for-me-negro-dance-how-mediocre.html
But when I ask them. “Your profile says you’re looking for a relationship, but you’re telling me that you’re only looking for sex, and you’re asking me to send you naked pictures, sorry I need to ask, Are you fetishizing me?”
Guess what most of them do…
They block or unnmatch.
First, this shows that you are refusing to engage on an important issue, which demonstrates a lack of caring about racism or the race issue. And by doing this, you have actually PROVED to the person of color that you don’t value their opinion or feelings. You don’t care whether your behavior has hurt them or made them feel less human. You only value your convenience and your lack of guilt. Even if you think the person misunderstood your behavior, blocking is a cowardly thing to do, and it shows that you probably do have a racial blind spot.
Second, it’s a slimy way to not take responsibility for your behavior. Sometimes people have a racist intent. But a lot of times, white people have implicit biases that will make them say and do racist things – or certainly say and do uninformed things. Again, I have already written a blog on implicit bias. Read it here:
http://www.grindrsurvivr.net/2021/06/implicit-bias-in-online-dating-what.html
This leads to my third point...
3) You Cut Off Black People Who Point Out That You've Done Something That They Perceive as Racist
This is a big one, and I've already written an entire chapter about this in my book. But I will say this, many white people only will allow people of color to exist in their friendship circle, if and ONLY IF they accept the micro-aggressions, mean jokes, and racist attitudes of the majority white friendship circle. And if a Black Person speaks up on this issue, they just cut you off and cast you out.
Again, even if you think the Black person is wrong, cutting them off like that DEMONSTRATES that you have a racial blind spot. You're more committed to accommodating your white fragility than creating a place where Black people don't feel marginalized.
I used to get more upset about this when I was younger. Now, I don't...
If you have anything to add to this list, please feel free let me know.
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