They always love and money don't mix. And the only lesson I think I've learned from Ungrateful Greg is that money and finances can mix, but if you're not mindful, it can create a mess.
(If you're not familiar with my history with my ex Greg - see here: The Tragedy of Ungrateful Greg)
I don't deny it. When I told Greg that I was out on a date with someone else, he was hurt and angry. I shouldn't have done it. It was mean. Yes, he started the argument, but I shouldn't have done that. I regret that mistake every day for the past six months. But I don't think that's what made Greg stop loving me.
Did Greg Sacrifice His Integrity by Keeping the Money?
He had to sell out on his own integrity in order to stay debt free. And I think that made him furious with me.
He couldn't properly tell me to fuck off without returning the money, which he couldn't afford to do. So he told me to fuck off, but deep down inside, he knew he did something wrong - which is why he didn't tell anyone about it. He knew he was a hypocrite for keeping the money.
Money Can Create Messy Situations & Most People Are Weak Around Messy Situations
It was a perfect shit storm. It was a mess, and no one was there to clean it up.
My New Rules Around Money
4) Don't Make Your Lover Feel Insecure or Subservient - In my case, I want to lavish affection on my boyfriends. But I see how I need to be sensitive that perhaps too much of a good thing can make the other guy feel inadequate or inferior. Greg may have felt bad, because he could never give me anything as nice as what I was able to give him. That might have hit his self esteem. And perhaps, I made him feel like he "owed me" for lavishing so many gifts on him. God knows I'm not perfect. I tried very hard not to do this, but in an argument, I know I can lose it and be an ass hole. It's important that my boyfriend doesn't feel "less than" or that he isn't a 50-50 partner in the relationship, simply because I've got more money.
And obviously, once the relationship ends, I often feel used. I thought I was investing in a long term future, and they were just enjoying the ride while it lasted. I freely admit that makes me furious and then I throw around accusations, which only makes my ex feel more defensive -- even though I'm accurate, they don't care. Again, no one thinks of themselves as a user. But people enjoy the gifts while they are coming, they make promises in the moment, and then when things change, these situations get messy. And when things get messy, gay guys tend to throw in the towel, leaving me feeling like a moron. I need to be more careful about these situations, and I also need to be sensitive of how gift giving might make the other person feel a tad guilty or that it might dampen their voice in the relationship. So by all means, learn from my mistakes.