So according to this man (who is white), he said thatout of the blue, I verbally abused him for “not swiping right” on Tinder, and because of that, his followers shouldn't read my book. Well, let’s analyze that. First of all, you can’t attack anyone on Tinder unless they match you back, so that's highly suspicious. So his assertion is that I swiped right, and when after waiting a certain amount of time, I somehow remembered his face (which is ridiculous, because let’s be honest, you swipe and move on. I can’t remember the last hot guy I swiped right on on Tinder), so I then somehow tracked him down, and then proceeded to abuse him – and this innocent "victim" just sat there and took my verbal abuse. How did I find him? Tinder doesn't give their last name? And he certainly didn't give me his phone number? And because of my alleged verbal attacks, his followers, of which there are several thousand (I'm not going to lie - he is conventionally attractive), shouldn't read my book or follow me on social media.
He also tried to say that I attacked him for "being an artist." That I looked down on him, because I went to an Ivy-League School.That’s just stupid. What’s to attack? “Oh, you make pretty pictures and love culture – shame on you.” Come on. I didn't attack him for being an artist. But I did sure attack him for saying such a hurtful and arguably racist statement. Funny… He didn’t mention that in his tweet at all. Huh… I wonder why? Why not say publicly on Twitter what he said to me in private? If what he said was perfectly acceptable, why leave it out of his Twitter rant against my book? If it's perfectly acceptable to tell a person of color you'd never date them because of their race, then why not add that to your Twitter rant? Is it because you feel guilty? Is it because if people knew the truth, they might think your rant against Grindr Survivr would be at best shaky?
Moreover, he was implying that because I told him off that my book is somehow worthless or not worth reading. That’s bizarre logic. Just because I get angry at one obnoxious gay guy doesn't mean I don't have any insights into Grindr or the gay community. I mean, even if everything he said was true, which it is NOT, it doesn't take anything away from my book. But the psychology of some gay men just truly astonishes me, and I'm not easily shocked: the lack of logic, the inability to have empathy for someone of a different race, the inability to reflect on your own behavior, and then the gumption to pretend like it's not all your fault. That's EXACTLY why I wrote the book, to call out this type of stupid thinking. Needless to say this guy hasn’t read my book.
Was White Fragility At Play?
But what's truly galling is the ability for some uninformed white gay men to turn a situation where they are hurting people of color and yet they somehow delude themselves into thinking they are the victims. That's what is so infuriating!