Friday, June 22, 2018

Is There Strength in Admitting Weakness?

Introduction: Is there Strength in Showing Weakness? 

So my best friend is a bit of a player – so let’s call him Paul the Player.  He’s the type of guy who can talk owls down from trees.  He has an inner warmth and charm that you just can’t fake – you either have it or you don’t.  Now he uses this charm to get a lot of young twinks into bed.  One could think of grander plans to use such a rare gift – Hell, I’d try to be president if I could give off that kind of genuine optimism.  But my friend Paul is also very insightful.  We were having drinks last night, and I told him that I had finally startedtrying to find a literary agent for Grindr Survivr, so I could get it improved and re-released in a new and better format.

He’s normally the kind of guy who will make fun of you just to put you in your place, but Paul lavished praise on the book.  And then he said something that rocked my world.  “Grindr Survivr was powerful, because you were writing under a pen name.  Normally, you are afraid that people will think you’re weak.  So you don’t share all the deep, insightful things you have inside.  I knew you were smart, but I thought you were just a little smart.  But there were a lot of powerful things in that book.”

I was like “Wow.”  Again, Paul and I normally just talk about what boys he’s playing at the time.  We occasionally may talk politics or films.  But we don’t often go deep into each others’ psyches’ like that.

And right now, I realize that I’ve been hiding a lot of pain that I’ve been going through, because I don’t want anyone to think I’m weak.  But part of relationships means that they end.  And part of ending relationships means dealing with loss.

The next few blog posts are going to be about me dealing my loss, rather than my usually funny insights into gay culture.  But don't worry, I'll get back to that in the coming weeks and months.

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